End Of Year Meme - This will be interesting as I've just read last year's answers, and wow, the changes!!

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
No, not til my money runs out overseas :) Maybe I'll end up waitressing in a french cafe..?

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
No! Enough issues with ones this past year. Some sweetnesses, but some hurts too. Not interested in too many more.

3. New house?
Well I guess, and I ended up in a new one after all.. fun share housing. The 'I guess' is because I will be living all over the world for the last half of this year.

4. What will you do different in '07?
More about me. More smart decisions truly my own. Travel!

5. New Years resolution?
Nope, none of these. Swear less I think :) But I would like to take more photos. As usual.

6. What will you not be doing in '07?
Making silly decisions I hope.

7. Any trips planned?
Yep, my year long round the world in June. V v exciting, and equal parts terrifying!

8. Wedding plans?
Ha, yeah, if I had someone to marry! Umm, NO.

9. What's on your calendar?
White like last year. But lots of colourful social arrangements! :)

10. What can't you wait for?
Seeing my family for a week soon. Confidence. Hope.

11. What would you like to see happen different?
More internal journeying. Like to try veganism sometime. Be more my own person.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
I have achieved the less consumerist bit this last year, yay. This is too much of a big question.. I could write forever.. :)

13. What happened in '07 that you didn't think would ever happen?
Holy crap, EVERYTHING!! Breaking up, moving out, moving in, relationships, finding old friends, making new ones, lots of bad times for friends, adventure racing, self issues.. lots of stuff!

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
I'm still trying! I think I'll work on being nicer to me, too.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in '07?
Nup.

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
Nope. Happy with very little consumption.

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
Not so much. Travelling will not help with this, but we all have it going on between us four as it is :) It's great!

18. Will you do charity work?
I am donating to 2 charities at the moment in lieu of my time, but will have to stop soon to save for trip.

19. Will you go to bars?
I reckon so - West End is so good for that stuff! Have been going out more, which is fun.

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
Yes. Never pre-judge.

21. Do you expect '08 to be a good year for you?
I think so, tho I'm so scared about it too!

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
Helluva lot..

23. Do you plan on having a child?
Negative on that!

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
I hope I will be meeting even more people to nurture relationships with.

25. Major lifestyle changes?
Does travelling count?

26. Will you be moving?
All the time!

27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in '08 that happened in '07?
Decisions about myself. For myself (more of that!). Tough question.

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
Well this one's gone but it was bloody brilliant, and only happened at the very last moment. Just the way it should be.

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Well, I didn't as it turns out, but lots of friends instead!

30. One wish for '07?
Finding me?

End Of Year Meme - I'm hoping for some interesting answers (interesting to me, that is. I can't pretend any of youse will be interested :D )

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
Nope. V happy in this. Unless a midyear holiday gets me fired, which I hope not. Or I kill the silly 19yo at work, perhaps.

2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
Another nope. Yay for the happy.

3. New house?
All no's so far. How boring. But I hope not - I'm still trying to settle!

4. What will you do different in '07?
Hopefully not have as much depression > which leads to > camping, climbing, bushwalking, photo-ing more. More time with friends than even this year (when I think I did ok). Better to the boy.

5. New Years resolution?
Man, I hate these things so on principle, none. Maybe just to go thru my 43things list and get there!

6. What will you not be doing in '07?
Ooh, tough. Being depressed. Get kicked around.

7. Any trips planned?
Yup! Yay! NZ in middle of year, then S America, Galapagos, Europe, Nepal (volunteering) about a year from now!! Woohoo!

8. Wedding plans?
HA! My mother would strangle me. Just kidding. Sort of.

9. What's on your calendar?
Mostly white. I do internets calendar.

10. What can't you wait for?
Seeing my family on the 8th of Jan! Finding a dream SLR for a great price and FIIIIIIINALLY getting it!

11. What would you like to see happen different?
So many things. Not much in my own small life, but lots elsewhere. Environ stuff mostly.

12. What about yourself will you be changing?
More motivated hopefully, getting out and being more independent still. More clued up at work. Stronger (physically and mentally).. Less of a consumerist I hope (and throwing/giving enough more stuff away).

13. What happened in '06 that you didn't think would ever happen?
Lost a lot of [bad] friends. Family acquiring a new birdy after the old one was killed. Actively quitting my job for a different/better one.

14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
This is something I try every day, so, yes.

15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in '06?
Well, I guess so, since I don't have to wear office worky clothes every day. But other than the work front, nup!

16. Will you start or quit drinking?
I don't think this part of me will change. I don't do much as it is, and I'm happy with my [low] consumption levels. :)

17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
Not explicitly - we have an awesome relationship now and I wouldn't want to change that. Just talk to Dad more often I think. I often don't catch him as he's sleeping/at work.

18. Will you do charity work?
I did try a bit in 06, but I think this year will be a year for me. I mean, I've been doing it 97-00 so I am not feeling guilty yet. Is that bad? I think I've gotta get myself on track first. Just for the moment. I guess I'm still feeling a little put off from my last experience and lack of support in that role.

19. Will you go to bars?
Nah, prolly not. Don't really do that so much :)

20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
Yeah, always am.

21. Do you expect '07 to be a good year for you?
Bloody better be!! 100% anticipation, 0% expectations. That said, I will work at it being a great time for me and ppl around me.

22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
Oh wow, sooooooooooooooo much.

23. Do you plan on having a child?
HA! Not likely [as in, 1 000 000% sure I won't be]. I know for sure Mum would strangle me if I popped that little announcement out!

24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
Heh, considering the answer to #22, one can never be quite sure, can one?

25. Major lifestyle changes?
Just more active. Not major changes.

26. Will you be moving?
Don't reckon so.

27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in '07 that happened in '06?
Gettin so fat. LOL kidding. It's hard to say - I am who I am because of all that's gone before, and I'm happy with that. Hell at the time but I wouldn't change it. So I can't say I'd rule out any kind of experiences, but I HOPE that shit don't recur (with bad friends etc).

28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
Finishing work aaaaaaaaaaaaaand...... doing whatever it is that I will be making up probably that night! Woot!!

29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
Oh my yes. My beautiful funny gorgeous sweet man :D

30. One wish for '07?
Too hard. TO ENJOY IT < that is my purely ME wish. Other than that, 'world peace' and all that stuff.

STEP 1
Make a post to your LJ. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple to medium to really big. The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
If you wish for real life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you. Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ.

STEP 2
Surf around your friends list to see who has posted their list. If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use - or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free - do it.
You don't have spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf - to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not - it's your call.
There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just... wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

1. Of course, number one material thing on my list - DSLR camera.
2. Kittens sometime soon, after we've catproofed the house.
3. Seeing my family all together and happy (not so hard thankfully).
4. Motivation to keep throwing stuff away.
5. Better saving habits for trips!
6. Motivation to keep/start climbing - I dont know what's wrong in that department..

And that's all I can think of :) happy wishing!

just thinking - that may have been the longest subject title everrrr. for me.

anyways, blergh. thought id update as ive been trying to do it a little more regularly.. TRYing.

so it seems a dot point post will have to do again:
- work. pretty good, still trying to catch up on product info. work party hilarious and 4 of us hung over the next day at work *giggle*. long night! next wk, last set of days off til new year basically. v jealous of climber friend who i work with who's away at blue mountains on annual trip..
- boy n me. excellent, basically. been having a good time together. missing him tho as he is still back and forth from gold coast lots. spending a bit of time by lonesome.
- friends. erg. big issues with one, great with the rest. ergh.
- bird n fam. parents still fighting, sigh. finbar (cockatoo) however has completely recovered from scary sickness, much to our collective delight and relief. would like to have mum visit as i havent been able to see them. dont know much of what's happening with my bro, for his communication method that is based largely on silence. apparently he has a new gf. there ya go.
- housey stuff. have been great at procrastinating, yay. :S however, am making slow process with herbs and plants. getting there..

- ps. on work front, secret santa gifts rock. someone so sweetly got me this AWESOME book on photography, woot, and in drunken convos on the night found that one of my workmates loves to digitally play with pics, and another was studying photojournalism, woot! (i dont care how many times woot has been used in that sentence)

blah blah blah..

okies, so heres the deal. you comment and ask for a letter if you want one, and one will be randomly (or not so randomly) assigned to you. then ya then post a list of ten things you love that begin with said letter.
xochiquetcal has randomly thrown out an R!!

1. randomly assigned letters
2. reading til all hours of the night
3. rain rain rain rain rain (love it so much, and the associated weather)
4. rock climbing even if im crap :)
5. rockhampton - as its only half an hour from my precious family

--WOW THIS IS REALLY HARD--

6. REM
7. river and the rest of the gang from firefly
8.
9.
10.

i guess the others will have to come later..

so im feeling a bit blah about non-work life lately. how strange..

work is going really well - im having a great time. i thought i was happier spending a bit of time on my own, and i have enjoyed that, except i think a little too much time alone now. the boy is seeing his ill dad, and will soon take off for toowoomba to see his bro, his girlfriend and new baby (by that time). she was induced yesterday. everyone's so busy its hard to arrange times to meet. that said, of course, i know my schedule is irregular too.

would it be wrong of me to hypothesise that its because of the weather? summer gets me down. its too hot, too sunny. i hate summer.. but anyways, enough whinging. last week or so i just havent wanted to clean, photo, organise, eat, etc etc. also panicking at upcoming (mar 07) loss of best friend to another country for a year or so.

i think i might be a bit down about not seeing fam for a while, and i know i wont see them til after new years. i was hoping to see mum next wk but flights wont allow it. i think mum's v down, some probs dad & her are having. normal relationship stuff, not major stuff, but it gets me down too. and my bro is now a single agent as of last night apparently (but i think he may have someone else lined up already..). argh! i feel like i should be in yeppoon talking to them all..

ok! good things: having $ from job, doing well at job, my beautiful friends and boy, my fam.

psst: exciting news - we are considering the buying of certain miaowy-pets!! omg! serious-adult-feasibility study yet to be conducted together. there are certainly many awesome reasons for such a decision and backup/responsible plans there too..

awesomeness! have just had QUMS over for coffee at our place as the boy is at the coast with family. woohoo, such fun. only a small group (unlike usual), but sat around for ages chatting.

work has been really great - im really enjoying it and the ppl and the general feeling! im so glad of where i am!! its so tangible (and i love this fact) that i made the right decision. here's the weird bit tho - i asked a chicky at choir tonight where her shirt was from: it had lots of gear brand names on it. she said, "i work for [place i rejected job-wise]". oh, i said. "omg!", she says, "are you the [blu_monkey] that called to reject us? they were really upset!". i conveyed that i had felt bad about it and she shushed me, saying she wanted to get out of there and how sexist the place/ppl were there. i was very surprised at her emphatic agreeance on that point.. even tho she said she'd been there 3yrs! wow.. v weird. so there you go..

have really enjoyed my time off last couple days, been getting random stuff done, including a lot of reading (currently schindler's ark). that's been nice. talking to mum & dad occasionally. always uplifting and funny. havent taken any photos at the moment but doing some research about dslrs. talking to neighbours about photography too, one of them is a v accomplished photographer. had a glass of wine there this morn and watched the scary bris storm roll up and lash our flats.

enjoying boy activities and friend activities - got some parties coming up, yay! getting stuff done is still making me feel v happy. we went shopping the other day for real food (finally, woohoo!) as ive been paid for the first time in over 2months. AND, we get paid weekly. how strange is that?? ive only EVER been paid fortnightly, in my entire working history of lots of jobs in about 7yrs.

im only slightly worried that i will have something happen to take away this quite broad-reaching happiness at the moment. i know i shouldnt be so pessimistic! maybe i have some karma owed or summat.. but YAY for the minute!!

love to all :)

so woot. days have been busy. i am getting used, again, to being out in places again during the day. i think this may have narrowly staved off a slight depressive state.. which is always great. work is still tiring, that whole-day-standing thing, but im getting there with a selling style and slowly slowly with product knowledge.

talked to mum and dad tonight, that always makes me laugh and feel really confident - that small stuff is never a big deal. am Doing Things more, getting more organised, which really gives a sense of achievement. my room is looking more untidy but i think its because all the shit's out of the cupboard and boxes :) so, getting there.

boy and i are doing great! 2n-a-bit yrs now, still really strong. altho we havent been sleeping well lately (and not for obscene/good reasons). but we live with it like everyone else. still dunno about uni but have an invite to south america for next next new year, woohoo!

thanks for your replies about funk-un-ness: they really cheered me up *hugses to all*. hope all is well (or getting there) out there. :)

so for some really strange reason, i dont feel like i can do this whole work thing tmrw. why why why? im not sure of why. so since ive been back, ive given out a total of 3 resumes. 1 to a place that only wants (in hindsight) fulltime/manager staff, and the other 2 got job offers. so one place was really pissed when i told them that, altho i hated to disappoint, id have to take the other position offered to me. as darling-girl pointed out, other ppl apply for multiple jobs when they do. i guessed that the dilemma doesnt come up often that they get them all tho.

but enough whinging. in a very strange mood nevertheless. work tmrw. seen friends a lot, which has been good. started climbing again, which im looking forward to lots still. as in, the keeping on going part now. dunno how choir's gonna fit in to that whole mon/wed night climbing thing now. dunno if i want to sing at the moment. i thought i did, but climbing may take precedence again.

brother's got a new tat. tasteful, its nice. will talk to family tonight, which is good. didnt make it to walk against warming - was pouring here ("isnt that the point?"), and my good friend was rain-guard-less. that was not the best day but we browsed at spotlight instead. how consumerist. on the weird side, they didnt have the frame i needed to make paper. need to make a mold/deckle now. anyways.

boy has got computer up and running again after for some unknown reason windows shat itself. thanks boy!!

i guess i still should send an email to darling-girl about proofing to pass on.. tho im not sure that im actually linguistically pedantic enough (compared to those that have studied it, that i know) to do it. maybe its one of those things i think i can do but really cant. like singing. i have no fucking idea about what the hell i am doing. here. now. ever. i dont think theres any point running off to another country. i envision myself sitting in a foreign airport, going, "well, fuck. what the hell am i going to figure out here?". what the hell am i doing here (as in, big existential question, not 'why am i in brisbane')?

so in other random news: i went to that 'abandoned' house as i hadnt seen any sign of life there ever. turns out there really is noone living there. however, i was gently accosted by the next-door 12ish-yo neighbour, whose parents DO own that house. i tend to slow down and be really outwardly calm when things arent going so well, and man, was i slow and smiley when he came up. in another 'however', i did find out that the derelict 'cubbyhouse' i subsequently found in the backyard used to be a greenhouse. whaddya know? thank the gods the parents werent home. buuuut, hey, i looked up the qld trespassing laws when i got home and found that, as i thought, there aint much they can do. basically say leave. and thats all good.

listening to kate bush now. where did my hatred for her go?? i think it was just compressed into one particular song, babooshka. read a book about the kursk disaster the other day. very very interesting and enlightening. also v scary and astounding that that sort of intrigue and pride exists so close to now, so not long ago, and that over 100ppl died for it.

gragh! how does everyone else pull themselves out of a funk?

sorry. its another one of those point by point posts..

- got another interview and another trial
- oh yeah, got trial for 1st interview i went for, yay

- memorial service tmrw for friend, which im not looking forward to
- found out evil ex-flatmate has been asking friends of mine "has she received psychological counselling for being crazy and depressed yet?"

- was way too chicken to say hi to xochiquetal (hope i got that right) at choir. *waves* hi! i was the hippy looking chick, the only one not singing with qums. or l'anima voce, for that matter. *is sheepish* tomorrow i will come say hi, i promise :) i'll be ushering.

- to see moooo-bie with friends tonight, something good i hope
- need to stop eating so badly and get used to being at home more

that is all. sorry for crappiness of post..

dunno why. anyways. get this - interview for that job i applied for today! woo hoo :) think i did pretty well, theyll call this arv/tmrw.
darling girl's parents moving soon to a massive house theyve just won auction for - must help her move.
must clean up garage - ugh - of our own, its crazy in there!
feel like writing in short sentences, sorry! i think i might have a nap..

so today was good. last couple days been good, really. thankfully. had brunch with darling girl and t today, nice return of the tradition. talked to brother nat the other day - he has another drive with qld raceway courtesy of the boy - so i will hopefully see him soon.

organising: cleared clothes, folded, washed, organised cupboard etc. YAY! sorted a heap of photos, and have uploaded them to flickr YAY!
check em out: http://www.flickr.com/photos/blu_monkey/
updated resume again, applied for another job, YAY!

so go me right now. plus the weather has greatly improved general mood - how i love pouring rain and thunder and lightning! watched the omen (first version, old version) for the first time and wasnt as creeped out as i thought id be. except i did have to have a light on to go into darkness of flat later :)

anyways, yum green vege thai curry awaits! hope youre all well and happy :D
x

lol. sitting on bus back from uni to home, and i hear an impoverished student say to another:

"Well, you could always make a CHEERIO casserole.."

ah. :D the good ol' days, huh?

( oh, and good news! )

so here i sit with a wonderful glass of burgundy, a glass of deep maroon sweetness. a sweet sweet dessert red, brown brothers, o yeah.

you know, ive seen many many others write drunken posts, however i am content with a first slightly tipsy post. i am having a little crisis lately. the things i keep putting off are still 'off'. no resume, no job, no unpacking (despite having been to the gold coast and stradbroke island for weekends since), no sorting of photos. just more taking photos, more packing, more no-resume-ing and no job hunting. in a big fat funk. early depressive stages? i dont care right now.

however, did have awesome day with darling girl and dear girl (separately) today. snippets of life touched upon, talked over, mixed in with small talk and ramblings random. so that was extra nice. id been missing them.

i think im an awful photographer and with the rest of the ppl in the world taken into consideration, im so crappy i dont even know if ill bother continuing with the idea of studying it or doing it seriously. but anyway, tipsy ego-deprived ramblings dont matter. just need to get it out there. *waves* HELLO UNIVERSE.

ragtag thrown-together dinner awaits. with cheese.



oh. and the rest of the wine.

so the last couple of days since being back, ive continued the habit (so far) of getting out and doing some walking. this has actually been a really good way to look for abandoned houses etc. i must admit to myself that i think it may have become an obsession, wanting to walk inside of places to investigate them..

but i figure its a good way to keep moving, keep active. although the requirement i feel to find places and explore them has almost dwarfed the requirement to photograph said places SINCE IVE FOUND A COUPLE just near me. i might try a couple today, hoping that i have gambled right on their emptiness after a day and nighttime scope.

so im charging up my batts and getting ready to go. aaaah for free time. im loving this. party with dear girl tonight, coast to see rellies tmrw/mon, seeing darling girl mon for facial-recipe-goodness.. etc. im worried ill never feel like working again.

back from home.

update: worked for a year and a bit, lost myself somewhere, resigned, headed to my nan's for a week, then home to yeppoon for three. doing absolutely nothing for that time, just enjoying company of ppl and animals.
somehow remembered who i was and my enthusiasm again. thanks mum, dad, nat, tash, fin. it's nice to feel that way again.

future: not working at the moment. still shudder inside when i see ppl dressed for work (although my month of no-work seems like six now). i dont know why that is. so when i get rid of the silent shudders, i intend to go work in an outdoorsy/adventure store. i want to go camping more, rockclimb again, walk lots, im biking more which is fun, i want to develop my photography more (maybe bachelor of photography next yr), find a funky slr for me, keep losing weight.. lots of things. and keep investigating proofreading..

just now: so good to see dear-girl again, have missed her and the nattering. may see her again tonight. strangely enough, weird to be back at home with boy, but nice. seeing other darling-girl on sat for party and pre-party nattering. more ppl to catch up with tho, and replies to messages and emails to be done.

received passport yesterday. received invitation for free accomm and food and tours in thailand last night. met some awesome ppl at dinner last night, although for the first time this foolproof restaurant disappointed me. could have been the $ facet too. gotta love paying for other ppl's booze. anyways, have decided to deal with it like an adult and get over it.

putting off: unpacking. sorting latest photos. updating resume. telling old coworkers im back. productivity.

i'll swirl back into being soon.

to you, and youll know who you are:

you hurt me and loved it.
im over everything we did or had together.
i see right through it all now.
i think you are a bad person.
i was your bolster but you didnt even realise how much more i am than you.
i dont think youll _ever_ realise.
you will miss so much in life and not even know.
i am glad i dont know you anymore.
and guess what? you never knew me, even when you thought you did.

with indifference,
s

I am 17. I am positive. I am a wonderful young woman who is in control. I do not need to be jealous of anyone because I do not compare myself to anyone. This is my life, not someone else's. I have all of the attributes I need and want. They are ready to be used. I am good looking and beautiful, intelligent, dedicated, disciplined, healthy and a nice person. I have learning experiences. I do not make mistakes. Each learning experience is a new door which I confidently walk through. It is never too late for anything, never. I am someone who is able to take control of myself. Positivity benefits my attitude. I am a person who evaluates my own feelings quickly and accurately. I care for others wholly and sensitively. Others make mistakes and I understand. I am not better than others, I am in control and positive. No-one is better than me. I am not egotistical, I have accurate evaluations of my self. I am myself and will not change to fit in. I am unique and special. I am in control of my life. I am aware of and sense my surroundings and the people in it. I do not need praise. I am more than capable for every challenge I choose to solve. I get things done. Every little bit counts. I am organised and competent. My relationships with people flourish because I am honest and generous. I am not selfish and enjoy giving. I keep promises. I never let situations defeat me in my goals. I have worthwhile and real dreams. The goals I have push me to achieve these dreams. I will make a difference to people's lives, the earth and to me. I am worth being here. I love being me.